The home is an ideal place to discover, develop, and lay a foundation for delivering strengths. But it doesn't always work that way.
In Mike Murdock’s book, The Law of Recognition he talks about different factors that blind us to the gifts in others. He suggests that we sometimes get obsessed with others flaws, get self-absorbed with our own goals, and get overloaded with unreasonable schedules. But Murdock tells a personal story that suggests our gender role biases get in the way as well. He begins:
“Several years ago, I went to a friends home. I enjoyed him and loved being around him. Externally, his home was gorgeous. It had wealth written all over it. But, when I entered the home, it was almost like a pigpen. It was dirty, cluttered, disorganized and even the refrigerator had dirty handprints all over it. When he started preparing me a sandwich, I declined. ‘Brother, this is too bad in here. I just can’t eat in this kind of atmosphere. In fact, your house needs cleaning bad.’
He was embarrassed greatly. ‘I know. My wife refuses to keep it clean. I pay for this house, pay the light bill and the water bill and it seems to me that the least she can do is to keep it clean.’ He was exasperated, embarrassed and humiliated by it.
‘How long have you been married?’ I asked.
‘Twenty years.’
‘I have a prophetic word for you, Brother! She is not ever going to clean this house! Ever! If you have been married for 20 years and she still keeps a dirty house, it is not her gift or desire to do so.’
‘But that is her Scriptural responsibility!’ He was fuming.
‘Not really,’ I said. ‘You can stretch that little phrase keeper of the home as long as you want to, but you cannot find Scriptural proof that it is the woman’s responsibility to vacuum her house, make up the beds and clean out toilets. That is cultural expectation, not a Scriptural command,’ I said.
I explained further: ‘You hate housework, She hates housework. There are people who love housework. It is there business. I have two ladies that have been a great blessing to my own life in cleaning my house,’ I explained.
Then I asked him another question. ‘How long does it take you to make $150.00?’ ‘About one-and-one-half hours he answered. He was a salesman.
‘I want to do something for you. I want to pay the two ladies who clean my house to clean your house for three days. It will take at least that long to get it decent. The reason I want to pay to do this is so you will have a memory of how beautiful a home can be when it’s clean and in order. I want you to work an extra one-and-one-half hours each month to make the 150 extra dollars. Take the 150 extra dollars and have your house cleaned.’
I asked him serious questions. “Why did you marry your wife? What did you love most about her? What was your attraction to her?” The dominant attraction determines the longevity of the relationship.
“I love her laughter. She always laughs at my jokes. She is so much fun to be with. I love to take her places, ‘ was his reply.
‘Then, while these two ladies are cleaning your house on one cleaning day every month, take your wife out to eat! Sit her on your lap in the backyard! Hug and kiss her or tell her the jokes that she loves and enjoys. But don’t make her do things that she hates to do when you can provide that for her and free her time to enjoy your presence!’
Some of us have not recognized the uncommon difference and dominant gift in those nearest us. It has cost us dearly. Recognition of the dominant gift in others will multiply the joy you receive from them.”
Mike Murdock was minister, businessman, and songwriter known for his uncommon wisdom and no-where does he display that more than in this story. Don’t get hung up on the specifics in the story although they may have perfect application to your situation.
My dad was brilliant at this. First, he was a man’s man. But he wasn’t so macho that he didn’t know how to cook, clean, run a vacuum, or do anything else around the house. His dad was the same. Some of my fondest memories were standing next to my grandfather as he washed the dishes for my grandmother. So if you come from some kind of demented culture where you think only women can do housework, get over it.
Second, when my dad started earning good money, he hired people who were very good at cleaning the house. My mom worked as a bookkeeper, something she was very good at and enjoyed. This freed up time for them to be together doing things they both enjoyed.
And this one goes both ways. There are ever increasing number of situations where wives work at jobs where they make great money, more than their husbands. I know this is a cultural adjustment for some. Well, make the adjustment. Let’s free both genders to work in roles that they both enjoy and are good at.
It is not my intention to teach here that there aren’t roles and tasks that one gender is more suited for than the other. That silliness is out there too. Men and women are often different. But from where I sit, individual differences often trump stereotypical gender differences.
Murdock’s wisdom, while rooted in the home, surely has plenty of applications in the workplace. I believe there are still plenty of roles where women just need not apply regardless of how much talent they have for a particular set of tasks. As a culture we have made dramatic improvements in my lifetime. But we still have a ways to go.
